A quick fifty upon check-in will ensure these guys find you whatever you want, although it is almost a guarantee they will mark it up again for themselves. If you make it worth his while, trust me, you will not be disappointed. Take the elevator back down, go up to the concierge and say “Hey, man, I’m staying up in room (fill in room # you saw while upstairs) and I was wondering….†Then give him your cell # and tell him you’re going out but to call you as soon as he finds anything. Just walk in the front door, follow some guests up the elevator, then wait on their floor for about 2 minutes. Not a guest at said exclusive hotel? No problem. So your request for an 8-ball upon check in won’t be much out of the ordinary. These guys (and girls) are routinely approached by celebrities, celebrity hangers-on, and generic rich people you’ve never heard of trying to find all sorts of stuff. I will not mention them by name, but read enough US Weekly and you can figure out what they are. No, the concierges you want to hit up are the guys by the front desk at the fancy, celebrity-infested beachfront places on the northern part of Collins Ave. The concierges there are used to business travelers and the closest thing to an illegal drug they’ll find you is some Sudafed that doesn’t require a background check. This is not so much the case if you are staying at the Airport Doubletree or the Hampton Inn in Doral. The best service-industry-type person to ask for drugs is, believe it or not, a hotel concierge. WHEN THEY SAY “FULL SERVICE,†THEY REALLY MEAN IT While that personal interaction may make a bartender easier to approach, what is left of their professionalism may prevent him or her from finding you some “good shit.†Bartenders can be a better bet, but again, this may prove costly to their career should they try and assist you. While they may very well have some in their check presenter that they are saving for just before the dinner rush, chances are they don’t want to share it with you. Then where would they get their drug money? So while it may seem a logical step to ask someone who uses drugs where to find drugs, my advice is NOT to ask your waiter. The problem, of course, is that they may not exactly want to tell you since it could cost them their job. As Miami native Rick Ross once so eloquently put it: “You never know. Waiters, bartenders, busboys, line cooks, or pretty much anyone who serves you food or alcohol knows someone who sells. I don’t know if any of you have ever worked in a bar, nightclub or restaurant, but if you have you know that doing key bumps in the breakrooom or smoking a bowl in the beer cooler are perfectly acceptable ways of spending your down time. JUST BECAUSE YOUR WAITER’S EYES ARE BLOODSHOT DOESN’T MEAN HE’LL SELL TO YOU While drugs are not overly difficult to come by in Miami, its not so simple as walking up to the information desk at the airport and saying “Yes, I’d like to know where I can pick up a taxi to South Beach and an 8-ball,†but the truth is that it isn’t much harder.
How the hell am I supposed to find this stuff? That, friends, is a difficult issue. I don’t have any friends with good hook ups and I was too scared of airport security to bring some from home. But I am new in town, or, worse, here on vacation.
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Miami is full of high-quality cheap drugs and clubs open until noon. Even the trailer trash in Miami can afford good blow. Want to know why Crystal Meth never really caught on in South Florida? Would you pay for some cheap chemical concoction made up in someone’s bathtub when you can get some powder fresh off the plane from Colombia for about the same price? It’s simple economics. During the 1980’s, Miami was more or less considered the coke capital of America, and while law enforcement crackdowns have forced importers into other areas, you can still get good stuff cheaper here than you can in most other major cities. This can apply to cars, boats, airplanes, or beef, and cocaine. One of the big perks of being the Capital of Latin America is that most commerce coming from that particular region at some point goes through Miami.
No, folks, I am talking about good old fashioned drugs. Nor am I referencing the wholesale ignorance of drinking and driving, and the relaxation of the drinking age. No, I’m not talking about the relative ease of obtaining a firearm and a concealed weapons permit. But one of our more notorious reputations surrounds a much more illicit industry that the Convention and Visitors Bureau never promotes. Beautiful women, sandy beaches, bad drivers. There are a good many things associated with Miami.